Triangle
by Fortunas.Wheel
Summary: Snow and Regina make a troll. Based very heavily on the Buffy the Vampire Slayer episode "Triangle." Swan Queen (and Red Beauty if you squint).
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: **I've decided that putting Swan Queen into Buffy episodes is great fun, so I'm making it a thing that I do. This story can be read as a follow-up to my "Something Blue" fic or as a standalone. The important part is that almost everything in Season 2 happened except that Swan Queen is established and that none of that Neverland business occurred. As far as I'm concerned, Greg and Tamara never took Henry, no one but Hook is on a boat, and that memory-restoring spell of the Blue Fairy's never happened.

* * *

"Do you ever get the feeling that there was something you forgot to do, but can't remember what it was?" Emma asked Regina.

The two of them were snuggling in Regina's bed after putting Henry down for the night. It wasn't _their_ bed yet though. Regina had made sure that Emma knew where the lines were drawn in their relationship, and Emma was relieved to have her options left open. But the more nights Emma spent over – especially nights like these where sex wasn't on the immediate agenda – the more it was starting to feel like _their_ bed.

"No, I don't," Regina replied dryly.

Emma ignored her and continued. "I've had this feeling for weeks, and couldn't figure out what it was until today. August asked to borrow one of David's crescent wrenches like a month ago, and I keep feeling like I need to give it to him even though he's just a little kid now."

"That was an odd spell for the Blue Fairy to do," Regina mused as she snuggled closer to Emma, tracing nondescript designs with her fingers across Emma's exposed stomach.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, the spell she used was a pretty drastic step," Regina explained. "Think of it like completely wiping the memory from a hard drive to get rid of a virus instead of just isolating the virus and removing it."

"So you're saying she could have done something else?"

"Maybe." Regina shrugged. "I wasn't there, so I don't know how badly August was actually injured, but I don't believe I would have done what she did."

"Weird," Emma snorted. "Speaking of fairies, did you hear that Leroy and Astrid broke up?"

"What happened?" Regina asked, her voice going up an octave.

"From what I hear, Astrid decided she wasn't happy and just left him. The only reason I even know about it was because I had to forcibly remove Leroy's drunk ass from Granny's tonight. Apparently he was blaming one of the other fairies sitting in the diner," Emma replied. "That guy is surprisingly heavy for a dwarf."

"Emma," Regina said, sitting up suddenly and staring Emma right in the eye. Emma leaned in instinctively, on edge for what was about to follow. Regina's face was a storm of emotions, and Emma had no idea what it meant.

"If you ever decide to leave," Regina continued slowly. "I want a warning. Big flashing red lights, a blowout fight, just something."

Emma felt the breath she was holding exhale, and her face instantly relaxed into a smile. "Flashing red, huh? So I just turn on the cruiser's lights and I'm set?"

Regina didn't reply, but Emma knew exactly what the face she was giving her meant. This was a serious moment, and Emma shouldn't be trying to laugh her way out of it.

"Regina, I promise I don't want to go anywhere."

"Good."

"Besides," Emma continued as Regina repositioned herself into Emma's arms. "I hate learning new things, and I already know exactly how to push all of your buttons."

"Do you, now?"

"Yup," she replied with a smirk. Emma slid her fingers gently under the waistband of Regina's pajama bottoms, her fingers reaching their goal in a moment. "For example, I know that when I press here, you do… _that_."

* * *

"Emma, no," David admonished. "You need balance if you want there to be strength in your attack. Try it again, without standing on the balls of your feet."

"At least someone in this room has balls," Emma muttered under her breath as she repositioned herself, making sure that her feet were firmly planted and that her grip on the sword stayed strong. She didn't quite understand why she _needed_ the sword fighting lessons, but agreeing had been the only way David had gotten over her new relationship with Regina. She'd spend one hour per week learning the finer points of medieval combat, and David would keep Mary Margaret calm anytime Regina and Emma were in the same room. It was basically a win-win, as long as she forgot the whole learning an obsolete form of fighting part.

"You really think the fairies will be able to help us?" Emma asked as she lunged towards David once more.

"They've always helped us before," he answered as he blocked her attack. Emma smirked when she noticed his movement wasn't quite as smooth as it had been when they first started. Maybe she actually was learning something.

"Regina doesn't seem to think we can trust the Blue Fairy," Emma offered as she lunged again, this time pushing from her left foot.

"You dropped your right shoulder," David mentioned as he deflected her attack again.

"So, you think we can trust her?"

"I don't think we have many other options," David admitted as he lowered his sword and grabbed his water bottle from the ground. "The Blue Fairy has always helped us before, and I don't know how else we can protect Henry from Greg and Tamara if Regina is really abstaining from magic and Gold is out of town."

"I know," Emma sighed. "It's just that I trust her as far as Henry could throw her, and despite all your lessons, Gramps, that's still not very far."

"Gee, thanks," David smiled. The two of them settled into an easy silence, both lost in their own thoughts. These easy silences were what Emma was coming to most appreciate about her father. With Regina, silence could be good or bad. With Mary Margaret, it was almost always a sign of disapproval. Henry's silences usually led to hard questions Emma was almost never ready to answer. But with David, the silence was easy, and ease was something severely lacking in Emma's life lately, so she savored those moments despite their usual connection to sword fighting.

"I'm just a little freaked out by the whole thing," Emma confessed after a couple minutes. "What if she knows about some other prophecy that she wants to use him for instead?"

"Emma, if there was anything else we could do, you know we would."

"Yeah, I know."

"So, things are going well with you and Regina?" David asked after a beat. It was clear he was trying to make his voice sound as casual as possible.

And there was the shift. The shift Emma had known would come eventually, but that she wasn't expecting in that moment. It caught her off guard because she knew she had to tread carefully with her reply, but hadn't yet formed her game plan for today. Everything she said to her father would definitely get reported back to Mary Margaret, who was having the most difficulty with the entire situation. Her difficulty with it bothered Emma, to the point of sleeplessness some nights. Sometimes, especially the day after one of those nights, Emma imagined going into graphic detail about her and Regina's sex life just to see the look of abject horror on her parents' faces. She never actually did, though. Instead, she'd just smile along and give the most general answer possible.

"Yeah," Emma replied simply. "She makes me happy."

"Good," David answered, with a small smile. Emma had to wonder if the one he was wearing matched her own.

* * *

Snow White loved her daughter, but there was nothing worse for her than being in the same room as Emma and Regina. She knew their familial connection was a tenuous one at best, but she clung to it for dear life as her legitimate means of disapproval. All her other excuses sounded petty out loud and she knew it. Regina wasn't dangerous, not when she had her son, the only person across many earths able to temper Regina's rage, living in her home. And Regina wasn't out to hurt Emma either; Snow knew that more from the things that went unspoken between Regina and Emma than anything else.

The problem was that Snow still hated Regina. She hated her despite the fact that their ledgers were practically square. A lover for a father, motherhood for a mother. But what Snow hated most of all was that Regina had been making Emma happier than Snow ever imagined her daughter could be. How could someone so vile make Emma glow that way?

Yet there they were. Emma was leaning casually against the counter in the back room of Gold's shop, and Regina stood silently next to her. To the casual observer, they may just look like a couple of women standing near each other in a pawn shop. But Snow saw the things she was sure others didn't, like the way Emma's fingers wove in and out of Regina's in the shadows behind their backs, or the way Regina watched Gold like a hawk and tensed every time he looked towards Emma.

Snow knew exactly what was going on between her daughter and her sometimes-enemy. For fuck's sake, the entire town knew. But it didn't mean she had to like it, and it sure as hell didn't mean that she had to play nice.

"You're going away for a week?" Regina clarified once everyone had settled in. Snow and David were sitting together at one of Gold's workbenches, and Red was standing off to the side near Emma and Regina. Neal had his back turned to the entire group, and was examining a globe like it was the most interesting thing in the world.

"Yes, dearie, I am," Gold replied smoothly. "Try to contain your excitement."

"I still don't get what you think you're going to find in London," Emma said.

"We know exactly two things about Greg and Tamara, Ms. Swan," Gold stressed as he ticked off on his fingers. "One, they have a device to take away magic, and two, that their headquarters is based in London."

"Right," Emma continued, "And you have no idea where that headquarters is located or what they're even called, for that matter."

"Em," Neal interjected suddenly. "I think I know. Just trust me, okay?"

Emma rounded on Neal, stepping away from Regina for the first time in at least five minutes. "Last time I trusted you, Regina got strapped to an ECT machine and your fiancé was the one behind it. Do I need to go into what happened the time I trusted you before that?"

Neal shot Emma an exasperated look, and Regina gently placed a hand on Emma's shoulder. Whatever message Regina had silently conveyed was enough, because Emma's next words came out calmer.

"Look, all I'm saying is that this is a dangerous time for you to be leaving town. We know about the prophecy, and we're leaving Henry wide open with you out of town."

"I'm sure everything will be fine," David declared. Snow knew her husband was technically a shepherd by birth, but he had always been able to command the attention of the room like a king, and this was no different.

"I take it I will be in charge of watching your shop, then?" Regina observed. If Snow hadn't known how invested Regina actually was in Henry's safety, she would have described her tone as bored.

"Regina, taking care of this shop is quite a lot for one person to do," Gold said as he looked down at a list. "The prophecy being housed here aside, there are other things that need to be taken care of. For example, the building inspector is scheduled to stop by. Or the trash. Someone needs to take _that_ out."

Snow was uncomfortable with the way Gold leered at Red when he said that, but Red matched his glare without breaking a sweat and Snow's suspicions were all but confirmed. So _that_ was why Belle, uh, Lacey wasn't here today.

"I'm fully capable of taking care of those things," Regina said. "I ran this town for twenty-eight years; I think I can handle a pawn shop for a week."

Snow saw her opportunity. "Don't worry about the shop," She chirped in a tone that she knew was far too cheery. "We can all help run it and make sure that the barriers stay in place."

"I really don't think that's necessary," Regina cut in, but Snow continued to speak over her.

"I can even come by during the students' lunch hour. Usually, I use that time to re-write my lessons with a system of different colored pens, but it's been pointed out to me that that's, you know, insane."

"I said 'quirky,'" Red smiled.

"Is there something I'm missing here?" Regina injected. "_I'm_ the one who understands magic. I can take care of everything here just fine on my own."

"Yeah," Emma agreed. "Regina can do it."

Regina gave Emma a small smile, and Snow died internally as she watched her daughter swoon.

"Regina, I trust you completely with the barriers and the spell," Gold said carefully. "But you're abstaining from magic right now and dealing with people requires a certain finesse-"

"I have finesse!" Regina cut back. "Far more than you, anyway. I can completely lie to the building inspector, and make sure that your little _stray_ doesn't wander too far with or without magic."

"See, she'll be great," Emma nodded, clearly wanting this conversation to end as soon as possible.

"Mr. Gold, don't you worry," Snow preened. "I'll help her take care of everything. It'll be ship-shape. Better! It'll be shop-shape."

Snow could practically hear the eye roll Regina gave her, and it made her flush with delight. Anything to get under Regina's skin was a good thing, and this shop situation was revealing itself to be a great thing.

"Emma," Regina growled softly. "This is why I hate these little family reunions."

"Maybe I should book an earlier flight back," Gold mumbled, mostly to himself, as he left the room and retreated towards his private office.

"I'm just trying to help out," Snow justified with the most innocent face she could muster. "Emma, tell her-"

"Or perhaps you could tell your mother I don't need her help," Regina bit back.

"Hey, Ruby," Emma deflected. "How was your patrol this morning?"

"Pretty standard," Ruby shrugged. "I saw Leroy outside of Astrid's convent though. He was crying and wearing her wimple."

"And we're somehow back to frightening," Emma groaned.

* * *

"Hey, kid. Whatcha doing?" Emma asked Henry from the doorway to his bedroom that evening.

"Playing soccer," he replied casually, despite the fact that he was clearly propped up on his bed reading the latest _Green Lantern_ comic.

Regina had sent Emma upstairs to grab Henry for dinner. Emma had no idea what Regina was cooking, but it smelled wonderful. She was learning that Regina's new method of letting out her frustrations was by way of food, and Emma was not complaining, especially since she and Henry were the main beneficiaries of this new habit.

"Yeah, looks like you're really exerting yourself."

Henry finally looked up from his comic and smiled at her. "Do you think if we gave you a ring, you could control your powers like they do in the Green Lantern Corps?"

"Kid, I have no idea," Emma laughed. "C'mon, it's time for dinner."


	2. Chapter 2

"Good," Snow smirked. "And the hellebore? It's up there to the right."

"Got it," Red replied as she dutifully grabbed it from off of Gold's shelf and placed it on the counter next to the other ingredients.

"What could you two possibly be doing?" Regina's voice cut across the shop as she emerged from the back room.

"We're going to try out a few spells," Snow answered casually.

"There's this thing you can do where you can restore what was lost, and were thinking if we could use it with the water from the wishing well, Belle and Sneezy would get their memories back," Red explained.

"Yeah," Snow cut back in. "So then, once we manage to get the two of them down to the well, we give them the potion and presto! They get their memories back."

"It wouldn't be 'presto' exactly," Red clarified.

"But then bam! Belle and Sneezy have their memories back."

"That fine and well," Regina scoffed. "But Gold has only been gone for two days and you're already causing trouble. Do you not remember what happened last time you tried to use magic?"

"He should not be here while your mother is out," Snow mocked, avoiding what she knew was a valid point of Regina's. Red smiled slightly at the joke, and Regina looked at the two of them like they were the most foolish people in the world.

"Please explain to me, _dear_," Regina snarled. "How quoting children's literature is remotely entertaining."

"Regina, you're kind of being the fish," Snow chuckled.

"I fail to see how comparing me to a character from _The Car in the Hat_ justifies you trying to use magic again or stealing from Gold's shop."

"I'm just taking stuff and not paying for it," Snow argued. "In what twisted dictionary is that stealing?"

"Snow, maybe we should just pay," Ruby started.

"Regina, Gold would be totally fine with this," Snow soothed as she gathered the ingredients and pushed past the other two women. "Come on, it'll be fun! You can even do some magic stuff with the two of us here watching."

Regina hesitated for a moment. "I do miss using my powers sometimes," she said softly. Then, as if catching herself, her entire demeanor changed.

"Oh!" Regina accused. "Oh! I know what this is! This is a trap! Any second now, you're going to make me do magic and then use it as a way to take Henry and Emma away from me!"

"Just look how easy it is," Snow said, ignoring Regina as she poured the hellebore root into the already shimmering potion. Faint yellow waves began wafting from the concoction, and the smell reminded Snow of her childhood near the Enchanted Forest.

"What do you think you are doing?" Regina huffed, scandalized. "Stop that before you do something foolish and blow up the shop!"

"Hey, look at this," Emma said, walking into the shop with the chiming of the door bells. "My two favorite girls!"

Red looked down uncomfortably.

"Three! Three favorite girls!" Emma caught quickly before leaning in to give Regina a peck on the cheek.

"Emma," Regina growled, failing for the first time in weeks to return the affection. "Snow is attempting magic again. And she's stealing. It seems that being a thief really is her default."

"A thief?" Snow huffed. "Right. One of those cunning broad-daylight in-front-of-everyone thieves! Emma, I'm just doing a spell to help Belle and Sneezy."

"Emma, I am the one in charge here. Tell her that," Regina patronized.

"Hey, hey. Judge Swan requesting a recess here," Emma said, taking a step back and putting her palms up in front of her defensively.

"You guys really shouldn't pull her into this," Red remarked calmly.

"Yeah. See! Ruby's with me."

"Emma," Snow cajoled. "What I'm doing is a good thing. It will help people. And if it doesn't work, Gold never even needs to know. Besides, I've been learning. Look."

Snow grabbed a handful of the shimmery substance sitting on the counter and tossed it onto the cash register. What Snow thought was going to happen was that the machine would glow blue for a moment and then return to normal, but be spotlessly clean. Instead, the entire cash register disappeared.

"Oops," Snow whispered.

"Recurso," Regina commanded quickly with a flick of her wrist, and the cash registered reappeared on the counter. It wasn't clean, however. In fact, it was mostly destroyed, with most of the buttons now falling off of it, smoke hissing from the receipt roll, and the cash drawer hanging out lopsidedly. Snow wasn't sure if Regina looked angrier over the state of the cash register or the fact that she'd broken her magical fasting.

"There, all back! Good as new!" Snow winced, knowing she had lost any superiority over Regina she had in the past thirty seconds.

"You better not have destroyed Gold's money," Regina hissed as she stepped around the counter to check the cash drawer.

"Right, of course that's what you care about," Snow retorted. "After all, you like money more than people. People can so _rarely_ be exchanged for goods and or services in this world."

"Don't you even try with that crap," Regina warned, pointing a finger at Snow. "You had slaves in the Enchanted Forest too. Don't even think about denying it."

"Maybe, but at least I didn't cut their tongues out when the soup was too hot," Snow glared.

"Emma, your mother is relying on hearsay to sully my name and I will not stand for it," Regina fumed.

"Well can you believe how she's acting?" Snow exclaimed. "She's treating me like I'm some sort of pariah for trying to help people!"

"Okay, you know what?" Emma said, looking angry for the first time that afternoon. "I'm tired of being in the middle. I'm not letting you two pull me into this."

"I'm not-" Snow started.

Emma held up a hand to cut her mother off. "Whatever the issue is between you two, just figure it out without me."

"Emma, wait!" Regina tried, but Emma either ignored her or didn't hear because she had stormed out of the shop in three seconds flat.

On the one hand, Snow was pleased that Emma had ignored Regina – maybe these two weren't infallible in their love after all. But on the other hand, it seemed like Emma was mad at Snow too, and that had not been a part of the plan. However, that thought left Snow's mind once she looked over at Regina and saw just how angry her ex-stepmother was.

"You made her mad," Snow whispered to Regina, thrilled to get at least one more dig in.

"Me?" Regina replied incredulously.

Red had started backing towards the door as well, and her movement caught Snow's eye.

"Red, who do you think she was more mad at?" Snow asked innocently.

"Um, you know," Red said slowly. "I think maybe you two have some things to work out. You know, just really talk or something. So, I'll see you later."

Red left the store quickly, and Regina turned to Snow with a pointed look. "Let me guess. You're going to try to blame me for that one too?"

* * *

"Fleabane," Snow said, throwing the ingredient into the cauldron.

"Highly flammable," Regina snorted from behind her.

"Salamander eyes."

"Should've gone newt."

"Bindweed."

"_That's_ a pricey one."

"Would you stop that!" Snow whined. "It's very distracting."

"Fine," Regina said. "Make your little memory spell. I'll be quiet until you make another item in the shop disappear."

"Good," Snow informed, trying her best to sound knowledgeable. "Because this spell is very sensitive. Once I begin it, any non-ritual word can disrupt it."

"As if you know anything about magical rituals," Regina scoffed.

Snow waited for a moment to see if Regina was going to say anything else. For all her bravado, Snow actually was pretty unsure of what she was doing, and without Red standing by, most of her magical confidence had flown out the window. She wanted to make sure that no outside factors screwed anything up. True, having Regina nearby was a bit of a safeguard, but relying on her was a blow to Snow's ego that Snow wasn't quite ready to accept.

"Okay," Snow breathed. "Here we go."

Snow grabbed the crystal vial of troll tears that Doc had gotten for her and dumped them into the cauldron. She breathed in slowly, trying to clear her mind the way the spell book had told her to.

"Did you even start yet?" Regina asked.

"No! Shh!" Snow snapped. Her concentration was broken, but the yellow concoction had started to bubble already, so she pushed forward anyway. "Spirits of the past, I invoke thee. Let the gloom of unknowing part before you. Let the confusion fade by your presence. Spirits-"

"You forgot to add in the wolfsbane," Regina interjected, cutting off Snow's concentration once more.

"Shush!" Snow hissed. "Spirits of the past, grant my wishes."

"If you don't add that in, your spell will be quickly undone."

"Do you want to screw this up?" Snow asked, rounding on Regina. The potion began to hiss and sizzle behind her, and the steam that billowed from it was now fuchsia instead of orange.

"I'm sure you're quite capable of doing that on your own, dear."

"Regina, whatever really has you mad, just say it like you do every other comment about me that stomps through your brain. Heck, if you curse me when you do it, it will be just like old times!"

"I believe I have said what I've needed to."

"No you haven't!" Snow retorted. She felt herself starting to shout, and she didn't even care to stop herself. "Come on, let it out!"

"You fool!" Regina swore as her eyes darted towards the potion, but her words were too late.

A cloud of electricity appeared over the potion, sending off cackles of lightning and sparks of magic. There was a flash, an explosion, and then a thump. Snow gasped in horror as a giant troll appeared, wielding a huge hammer.

"Arrgghhhh" he growled, rising up to his full height. With a few swings of his hammer, he effectively demolished the right side of Gold's shop before bounding out of the store with another roar.

"I believe you called this a good thing?" Regina said glaring.


	3. Chapter 3

Regina and Snow drove down Main Street in Regina's Mercedes. Snow was flipping through the spell book she had been using, while Regina drove quickly through the now partially cracked streets. The destruction a single troll was able to cause was easily on par with Anton's giant mess from a couple months ago, and Snow's stomach clenched uncomfortably as she thought about needing to ask the Blue Fairy to fix the destruction once again.

"There, look at that car," Regina pointed to what was once a convertible, but what now resembled a piece of junkyard scrap metal. "We're still on his trail."

"How did we even make that guy?" Snow asked.

"No one made him," Regina explained in a condescending tone. "He was clearly trapped in that vial through his tears and _you_ released him."

"I released him?" Snow scoffed. "This was definitely a _we_ thing. Or a _you_ thing! It certainly feels like a you thing."

"Just find the reversal spell," Regina hissed. "And hurry. Look what he did to that lamp post. It's going to take _weeks_ for Geppetto to fix that."

"I'm trying, I'm trying!"

"You should have just listened to me when I said not to do that spell. I don't understand why you keep insist on playing with magic when every result you've had so far has been a complete disaster. Besides, Gold left me in charge of his shop, which gave you no rights to any of this to begin with."

"Gold can be an idiot," Snow huffed. "The smart kind, but still. Besides, you don't even trust him ninety percent of the time."

"Emma agreed," Regina stated matter-of-factly, as if that simple detail ended the conversation.

"Right. And Emma doesn't step out of line around you anymore."

"What do you mean by that?" Regina asked, sounding – if possible – more irritated than she had before.

"Nothing," Snow lilted. She was happy to put one more chink in the armor that was Regina and Emma's relationship, especially when there was a grain of truth to it. Emma had become slowly less adversarial since the curse had broken, but lately, she'd turned into a doormat, especially around Regina. Now, Emma seemed apt to just agree with Regina on everything from living arrangements to shop-keeping in Gold's absence. It was nauseating.

"There's another smashed car," Regina said after a moment. "Find that spell. Quickly."

* * *

Emma had planned on spending her afternoon off at the shop with her mother and girlfriend, but that had done the exact opposite of panned out, so she had found herself at the Rabbit Hole instead. It was the only place in town she could think of where people wouldn't go looking for her, and sometimes Emma just needed to be alone. Hell, sometimes Emma just needed to be Emma. None of this Sherriff, or Savior, or Princess, or Mom, or any-other-fucking-title-this-town-could-find-for-h er business. She had no gun, no phone, and no mission but to just be Emma in a bar for a couple hours.

"I see I'm not the only one around here who knows how to drink a brandy in the afternoon," Lacey slurred as she took a seat next to Emma.

"There are fifteen other stools opened at this bar," Emma pointed out coldly. "I don't see why you had to sit in the one right next to mine."

"Well," Lacey chuckled. "Someone's in a temper. Pray tell, does this misery come from the savior business Mr. Gold endlessly drones on about?"

"What? No, this has nothing to do with that."

"Motherhood?" Lacey guessed.

"No," Emma grunted.

"Sheriffing? Is that deputy of yours off merrily arresting friends of mine?"

"You're not going to let up, are you?" Emma sighed.

"Considering no one else is in the bar right now, my prediction is no."

"I could just arrest you for harassing a police officer or something," Emma replied.

"Maybe," Lacey smiled. "But I doubt that you will."

* * *

"Snow! Emma!" David called out as he stepped through the wreckage of Gold's pawn shop.

"They're not in the back," Red said as she hurried back into the front of the store. "No sign of Regina either."

"Snow's gone," David sighed, looking at the ground and wondering how the hell this happened again. After a moment, he straightened himself back up. "We have to find her. I al-"

"I know, I know," Red interjected, cutting David off and stepping past him towards the exit. "You _always_ find her. I get it."

David stared at Red blankly for a moment.

"C'mon," Red coaxed. "I'm picking up on Snow's scent. Let's go find our girls."

* * *

"Haha, you puny demon!" The troll shouted as he smashed his hammer through a parking meter. "Let's see you flash those words at me now!"

Residents fled from the troll's path, retreating into their cars and shops before his hammer was able to rain destruction upon them as well.

"You do well to flee, townspeople!" The troll bellowed with a laugh. "I will pillage your lands and dwellings. I will burn your crops, and make merry sport with your more attractive daughters, mark my words!"

The troll laughed harder for a moment as a few children shrieked and ran into a drycleaners.

"Ooh, ale!" the troll sniffed. "I smell delicious ale!"

* * *

Emma leaned over the pool table and lined up her cue, easily sinking the striped fourteen-ball in the corner pocket. "They get in these fights and then they're both looking to me, like I'm the referee. And then sometimes I'll say something about Regina, and Mary Margaret will get this look. This 'what the hell do you see in her' look."

"I know that look," Lacey agreed. "Lots of people don't understand Mr. Gold, you know?"

"Well, Gold is evil," Emma pointed out as she lined up her next shot. "And then it's like, I get all torn, because Snow's my mom, and I really value her opinion. But Regina's my girlfriend and the mother of my kid, you know?"

"What's Ruby think about all this friction in the ranks? Can't be good for morale."

"I dunno," Emma shrugged after she missed her shot. "Haven't talked to her about it."

"D'you think she's a bit preoccupied, maybe?" Lacey continued. "I mean, it would be understandable, with all the upset lately, all the blaming innocent victims who got caught up in the mess."

"What?" Emma asked.

"Like, was her goal to be made a fool of?" Lacey was getting visibly angry, and downed the rest of her drink in a single gulp, slamming the emptied glass back town on one of the nearby high-top tables. "Didn't she know that he would walk in? And what does someone have to do to make it right? She can't just be expecting me to drop everything for her!"

"Lacey, is there something you ne-" Emma started before a large form bumped into her from behind. "Hey, watch it, buddy!"

When Emma turned around, she found herself face-to-chest with the smelliest creature she had encountered since she returned from the Enchanted Forest. This had to be a sick joke, right?

_And she didn't even have her fucking gun on her. _

"Ale!" the ogre – was it an ogre? Ogres were blind, right? So… not an ogre. Troll? – exclaimed, ignoring Emma. He grabbed a keg of beer from behind the nearby bar, tore the metal open with his teeth, and began drinking heartily. Emma was paralyzed as she stared on and watched him down the entire drum in a matter of seconds, while Lacey nodded on in apparent approval of drinking ability.

"Barmaid!" the troll bellowed, tossing the emptied keg aside. "Fetch me stronger ale! And some plum, succulent babies to eat!"

"Lacey," Emma said urgently. "Go call Ruby and Regina. Now."

"I could," Lacey smirked. "But I'm paralyzed with not caring very much. Plus, I kinda like this guy."

"You there!" the troll said, finally seeming to notice that Emma and Lacey were two of the only people in the bar. "Do you know where there are babies?"

"What do you think?" Lacey asked Emma casually. "The hospital, maybe?"

"What?" Emma hissed back. "Shut up!"

"I find myself very hungry! And when I am hungry I get short of patience!" the troll bellowed. Well, maybe not bellowed, but this guy had exactly two volumes: loud and louder.

"Hey, we can take care of the hungry," Emma said with the best fake smile she could muster. "How 'bout you just sit down on one of the sturdier chairs, and we can talk calmly and have some food."

"Wench," the troll said sternly. "If you are trying to seduce me, you will fail. Your looks are far too plain for my liking."

It took Emma a second to recover over the horror of being called ugly by a troll. "Seduction is not the goal here, pal. Just wanna get you comfortable and get you some food."

"Can it be babies?" the troll asked eagerly.

"Well, not so much. But maybe... roast pigs and... chimera... and much hearty grog?" Emma tried to negotiate.

"They have this onion thing," Lacey added.

"Your onions cannot appease me! Do not try!" the troll grunted and turned back to the bar. He fetched another keg – the bartender had long since run from the bar – and finished it in the same manner he had the first.

Emma grabbed Lacey by the wrist and started inching sideways towards the front. The way she figured it, if she could get out of here and come back with the station's tranquilizer gun, she could probably take this thing out without _too_ much more damage. Once he was safely conked out and locked up, she could call Regina and figure out what the hell to do with this guy. However, all those plans went to shit in a second when she saw Regina and Mary Margaret burst in through the entrance.

"Emma!" Regina exclaimed. "You shouldn't be here! There's a troll!"

"Big guy? Hammer?" Emma replied. "Think I noticed him."

"I wish David were here," Mary Margaret said.

The door opened again, with David and Ruby running through this time.

"I'm here!" David announced gallantly. Emma distinctly caught Ruby rolling her eyes at the proclamation.

"I wish for my long hair back," Mary Margaret tried with a smirk. Emma gave her mother a stern look, and Snow sheepishly replied, "Just checking."

"Lacey, what are you doing here?" Ruby said from somewhere behind Emma's parents, appearing next to Emma and Lacey a moment later.

"Oh, so you're talking to me now," Lacey jeered.

"_So_ not the time right now, guys," Emma scolded as her hunch about Lacey's earlier comments was basically confirmed.

"What's going on here?" David asked. "Where'd he come from?"

"Snow stole ingredients and released him from a crystal vial," Regina explained. Emma noticed that she wasn't even trying to keep the sneering out of her voice like she had been trying to lately.

"You did this?" Emma asked Mary Margaret incredulously.

"Not me! We! I mean us. Her!" Mary Margaret sputtered. "It's very complex."

"Thankfully, we can stop him," Regina clarified. "Do the spell." She ordered Snow.

Emma finally noticed the spell book Mary Margaret was holding and watched curiously as Mary Margaret began to read from it. "Let the conjuring be-"

"Stop!" the troll yelled, seeming to notice that more people were suddenly in the bar.

"Nobody lets me finish!" Mary Margaret huffed as everyone else stared up to look at the troll.

"You told the witch to do that, didn't you, Regina!" the troll bellowed. "You seem to be determined to put an end to all my fun, just like you always did when we were dating!"

Everyone in the group suddenly got silent and stared at Regina. Emma noticed her shifting uncomfortably under their glares.

"You dated him?" Emma asked incredulously.

"You dated a troll?" Lacey giggled.

"And we're what? Surprised by this?" Mary Margaret said in condescension.

"He wasn't a troll when I cavorted with him, you half-wit," Regina stated, glaring at Mary Margaret. "He was just one of my guards who decided it was acceptable to share my bed with another woman. I turned him into a troll as retribution. It was only fair."

Emma shifted uncomfortably at the implication, while the troll took his hammer and smashed through the bar's counter. Debris flew everywhere.

"I did not share your bed! Not in my heart, anyway! It was only one wench and I had had a great deal of mead. Next thing I know, I'm a troll!" The troll seemed to have a fresh wave of rage course through him. "Curse you, Regina! You will die for this!"

"But hey," Emma said, trying to calm the situation down by physically placing herself between Regina and her apparent ex-lover. "Don't you like being a troll? I mean, you seem to enjoy it, with the ale and the Thor-sized hammer and stuff."

"Oh, I adjusted," the troll replied angrily. "And then what happened? An imp! A disgusting imp trapped me in that vial! I was imprisoned for decades! Ugh, a curse on all magicks! All sorcerers must die!"

"Mary Margaret. The spell. Again!" Emma ordered as she realized the chances of fixing this situation were getting slimmer by the moment.

"Umm." Mary Margaret read quickly. "Let the conjuring be undone, return the beast to native form-"

"Stop!" the troll bellowed, but Mary Margaret continued to read.

"And keep him far from us and ours as long as my voice shall sound!" Mary Margaret finished triumphantly before she looked up and her face fell.

"Ha! It did not work!" the troll roared in glee.

"Okay, wait," Mary Margaret said, looking back down at the book. "Let the conjuring be undone," she muttered to herself. "Well that part was right. And keep-"

Out of the corner of her eye, Emma saw the troll moving in to take a swipe at Mary Margaret with his hammer. Thinking as quickly as she could, Emma grabbed a nearby chair and threw it at the troll, aiming for his head, but hitting his chest instead.

"Emma, the hammer!" She heard Regina cry out. "His strength is in the hammer!"

There was no time to process this information in any meaningful way. The troll swung his hammer at her, and Emma ducked away, missing it by inches. She was smiling dumbly at her luck when the troll's left fist made contact with the side of her head. The last thing she saw before the room faded to black was a pair of designer heels running her way.


	4. Chapter 4

"What happened?" Emma said groggily from her position on the floor. On the floor, head resting in Regina's lap, that is. Snow knew she should be the one taking care of her daughter and the fact that Regina was instead made her blood boil in all the worst ways.

"He smashed things up a bit more and then ran when David pulled out his gun," Red answered helpfully.

Emma tried to lift herself up, but Regina held her down and whispered something that made Emma blush furiously. Whatever Regina had said made Emma lay still while Regina checked over her injuries, but she still insisted on barking orders from the floor.

"Ruby and David, follow him," Emma directed. "Mary Margaret and Regina, head back to the store and try to find a spell that will actually stop him."

"And what exactly are you planning on doing, hmmm?" Regina asked Emma after giving her a nod that indicated Emma was okay to sit up.

"I'm gonna grab the artillery."

* * *

"Hurry up, Regina!" Snow said as she grabbed a plethora of books from the shelf, as directed by Regina. "I got the relocation spells, suspension spells, and even some to make him really, really sleepy."

Snow deposited the books on the unbroken counter in Gold's shop, while Regina placed a smattering of ingredients next to them.

"I grabbed more of the things you stole," Regina clarified. "In case we need them."

"I didn't-" Snow huffed. "Why do you insist on doing that?"

"Doing what, dear?" Regina said innocently.

"You're so rude! I mean, sure, at first, rehabilitated evil queen, doesn't remember how to be a decent human being, but you've been around us for months now Regina. Learn the rules!"

"The rules?" Regina replied with a raised eyebrow. "Which rules are these, dear? The ones that let you walk around like you're a superior creature to all or the ones that justify all your misdeeds by claiming they were for the greater good."

Snow glared at Regina for a moment. "I'm talking about basic human decency, Regina. The kind of decency that means you won't turn Emma into a troll next time she makes you mad."

"You think I'm going to hurt Emma?" Regina asked, her face shifting from adversarial to confused on a moment. "I would _never_ hurt Emma!"

"Never? Regina, you tried to put her under a sleeping curse a year ago! Hurting people is what you do!"

"What _I_ do? You've caused more destruction in your wake than any individual I've ever seen! In fact, based on recent events, you are far more likely to hurt someone than I am. Maybe Emma should be afraid of you."

"Emma is my daughter!"

"And you don't want anyone else to have her!"

"I don't want _you_ to have her!"

Snow hadn't even realized she was shouting until the silence hung around her and Regina like an unwelcomed ghost of memories past. It was a constricting silence that made her skin crawl, like a too-small wool Christmas sweater from that one relative no one really trusts.

"So what do you want?" Regina asked calmly – too calmly – after moments of silence where the only sounds were the rises and falls of chests huffing in anger. "Would you prefer I just disappear, leave you and your do-gooder family to destroy this town one debacle at a time? Let Henry learn the hard way what abandonment _really_ feels like? Teach Emma that one more person who said she loves her will disappear without rhyme or reason? Tell me," Regina said sternly. "Is that what you want from me?"

Her face flushed, and Snow felt feelings bubbling to the surface that she had been avoiding for years. She felt liable to explode, and then, a moment later, completely deflated. "Why wasn't I enough?" she asked, voice barely above a whisper.

Regina's face was inscrutable, and the door burst open before she even made an attempt to respond.

"Aha!" the troll shouted from the shop's doorway. "I knew it! You two, performing more spells. I could be out pillaging, devouring babies, making merry with the local virgins, but instead, I had to come all the way back here to kill you!"

"Snow, run!" Regina shouted as she placed her body between the troll and Snow. The air began to cackle with electricity as Regina raised her hands up, fingers twitching in anticipation of magic. The troll was too fast for her though, and in one swipe of his hammer, he sent Regina flying backward across the room, taking Snow down with her and landing them both in a pile of debris. Regina had taken the brunt of the hit, and was either unconscious or unable to move, her body still covering Snow's.

The troll stomped over to the two women, and Snow braced herself for the blow she knew was coming as he raised his hammer once more. An incredible sadness filled her as she was faced with the idea of her own mortality. Things were not resolved yet, and it seemed like they may never be. Also, there was a trinket poking her painfully in her right butt cheek. How pathetic it would be for a princess to die with a piece of debris trying to lodge itself into her ass.

"No!" Emma shouted from the front of the store. Snow wasn't totally sure how long she had been standing there, but this was definitely going to end up as one of her top five happiest to see Emma moments. "Get away from them!"

The troll turned his entire body to stare at Emma. Snow had to admit, her daughter looked kind of badass in that moment, with a soldier's stance and an assault rifle pointed straight at the trolls chest.

"I will get away from them," the troll chuckled. "Once I kill them!"

"You are not touching those women!" Emma declared, as she took a few more steps into the store. In a swift movement, she pulled the bolt back on the rifle and fired straight into the troll's chest.

The store was silent after the crack of the gun and Snow shifted to see why the troll hadn't fallen yet. Her curiosity was met with a booming laughter, and then the visual of watching her daughter frantically trying to reload the gun's chamber as the troll walked towards her, tranquilizer dart hanging out of his chest like an ornament about to fall off of a tree.

When it was clear that the gun was not cooperating, Emma held it like a baseball bat and threw herself at the troll, seeming to try to swing for his head. The base of the rifle connected with its target, but all it seemed to do was give the troll a better angle to swing his hammer at Emma once more.

Emma went flying over the side of the still-standing counter, taking all the books and supplies Regina and Snow had gathered down with her. Once she saw Emma pop back up, this time with a sword in hand, Snow pushed herself out from under Regina, and worked on pulling the other woman to safety.

The troll bellowed in laughter once more as Emma lunged at him and he easily smacked her back down again. Snow noticed, with a hint of pride, that Emma had at least drawn blood from the troll with this method. But this time, Emma wasn't so quick to stand back up, and Snow's stomach lurched when she saw the blood that was slowly trickling down her daughter's face.

"Mmm," Regina mumbled from the ground, her eyes still clenched closed. Snow would have to deal with her in a second.

In a quick movement, Snow began to pick broken items from the ground and launched them at the troll. He turned to face her, and Emma used the moment to launch another attack. The troll was onto Emma's style at this point, and he caught her off-guard with a backhanded swing that sent her sprawling for the third time in sixty seconds. The troll then lifted a slab of countertop from the ground and threw it towards Snow, knocking her down to the ground, right next to Regina once more.

"You fight well, tiny wench," the troll chuckled, seemingly ignoring Snow's pawn shop projectiles. He bent down and easily lifted Emma up from the collar of her jacket. "For this, I shall reward you. Only one of your women shall die, and you shall be the one to choose."

"What's happening?" Regina muttered, as she opened her eyes and began to push herself from the floor.

"Choose, wench!" the troll roared.

"Are you nuts?" Emma asked as she was dangled just off the floor. "You are one crazy troll. I'm not choosing between my girlfriend and my mom. That's insane troll logic!"

"What is happening?" Regina hissed urgently.

"The troll is making Emma choose which one of us is going to die." Snow whispered back as she worked on pushing the countertop off of her body.

"Good for you! You are a loyal wench," the troll laughed. Then, in a quick movement, he grabbed Emma's wrist and snapped it.

"Emma!" Regina shouted, pushing herself up.

"Now," the troll reiterated. "Choose!"

"I am _not_ choosing," Emma growled, holding her wrist gingerly.

"Then you shall be the one who dies!" troll roared, raising his hammer to deliver a death blow.

"No!" Regina said, wobbling slightly as she rushed forward. "Choose me! Just don't take her!"

"E conspectu abeat monstrum!" Snow shouted from the ground, the only spell she could remember from the books she'd been looking at five minutes ago. Once more, the only thing that happened was the cash register disappeared. "Dammit!"

The shop's door jingled open once more, and David and Red burst in. David had a sword in hand, and guns in both sides of his shoulder holster, while Red carried a crossbow and looked like she had a rifle slung across her back.

"David, stay back!" Snow shouted.

"Go for his hammer," Regina yelled. "The strength's in the hammer."

David launched himself towards the troll, and the sound of metal clanking against metal reverberated through the shop as the troll matched David blow-for-blow with his hammer. Red remained where she was, keeping the crossbow trained on the troll, seemingly waiting for the perfect moment to strike.

Emma stumbled over towards Regina and Snow, all but forgotten by the troll now that he was preoccupied by David. She helped Snow push the slab away with her good hand, and helped her mother stand once more. Next to them, Regina was frantically throwing ingredients together into the remaining cauldron, apparently done with Snow's attempts at handling the magic.

"What can I do?" Snow asked.

"Distract the troll," Regina answered quickly. "Piss him off."

"I don't know how."

"I sincerely doubt that," Regina sniped quickly, but when Snow responded with a head shake, Regina sighed and placed the herbs she was holding back down onto the counter.

"Fine," Regina huffed, showing the spell book to Snow and pointing at the page. "Put all of the ingredients from newt eyes down into here. When they're in, Emma, you read these lines."

"Wait, you want _me_ to do the magic?" Emma asked, eyes widening in sudden fear.

"Just remember what we've talked about," Regina replied calmly, giving Emma a quick squeeze of the shoulder.

"You think she can do this?" Snow muttered to Emma.

"Ooh yeah," Emma responded smugly. "There is no one she cannot piss off."

"My dear Rivers, you're as inadequate a troll as you were a lover," Regina started, blocking Emma and Snow from view by standing in front of them. "Though I will say that you look moderately better as a troll. You truly were a hideous man."

The troll glared at Regina for a moment, but then refocused on David, who had somehow found a mace in the debris of Gold's shop.

"The most menacing thing about you is your smell. Is it true that the other trolls wouldn't even let you live under their draw bridges with them because you reeked of desperation and self-loathing?" Regina continued, fully utilizing her Evil Queen voice.

The troll seemed to be ignoring her this time, too engaged in the battle with David.

"My, my. Someone is relying a bit too heavily on that hammer. Is that because it makes up for your woefully inadequate appendage?" Regina snorted.

With a roar, the troll slammed his hammer into David's side, sending the prince towards the floor in a tumble.

"My gods, woman!" He thundered, rounding on Regina. "Do you ever shut up?"

The shot Red had been waiting for finally opened up, and she pulled the trigger on the crossbow, sending an arrow straight into the troll's back. It lodged itself in, and the troll roared, reaching behind him to try to grab at the offending object.

"You will pay for th-" the troll began to holler, when suddenly, he stopped. A moment later, he went cross-eyed before thundering face down onto the floor, the arrow poking out of his back like a sign of triumph.

Emma walked up behind Regina, staring at the troll's body on the ground. David stood back up, holding his left side gingerly, and Snow rushed over to him.

"Is he dead?" Emma asked, once Red joined the rest of the group.

"Nah," Red replied simply. "Poison tipped arrow. It'll keep him knocked out for a couple days, but it won't kill him."

Everyone stared at her blankly.

"Granny gave it to me," Red clarified. Suddenly, everyone nodded in understanding. Of course Granny _would_ know how to take out a troll.


	5. Chapter 5

"Regina, you don't have to do anything you're uncomfortable with," Emma murmured once the dust had settled a bit. David and Mary Margaret were mutually tending to each other's wounds, while Red had said something about going to call Lacey outside.

"I know," Regina replied. "But I'm the only one here who can. I made him a troll in the first place."

Emma didn't know how to convey her feelings, or how to even explain her feelings to herself. On the one hand, she didn't want Regina doing magic. Regina had been clear after the incident in the mines with the trigger that she was done with magic and its ability to corrupt. On the other hand, today was a perfect example of what happened when anyone but Regina or Gold played with the magic in this town. At what point did her duties as girlfriend and savior overlap, and which one should ultimately trump?

"Are you sure?"

"No," Regina admitted softly. "But I believe I have to."

"Could I?" Emma asked.

Regina gave Emma a small smile. "Perhaps, but I'd prefer you didn't. It's probably safest if only one of us is completely corrupted in this relationship."

And so Emma let Regina do her thing. It took a few minutes for her magical mojo to really get working again – Regina had said something about physical injuries affecting magic – but once it did, Regina was amazing. She was able to turn Rivers back into a man, healed Emma's broken wrist, fixed all the scrapes and bruises that dotted her, Mary Margaret, and David's bodies, and restored Gold's shop from being completely destroyed, to only slightly destroyed. Emma had a hunch that Regina left parts of the shop as a dig at Gold, but she wasn't going to push the subject.

Mary Margaret and Regina didn't say much while Regina worked, but the tension that usually followed them being in the same room wasn't as intense as it usually was. Emma had to wonder if JK Rowling was right. Maybe surviving troll attacks really was the key to friendship. Or maybe Regina and Mary Margaret had suffered just a few too many bumps to the head for one day and would resume their bickering tomorrow.

* * *

"You really fought a troll without me!" Henry whined after Regina and Emma picked him up from Granny's for the evening. Regina had hung back with Ruby for a moment, but had promised to catch up with them.

"Trust me kid, it wasn't nearly as cool as you're thinking it was," Emma replied.

"Did you use a sword?" Henry asked.

"No, but I tried to use a rifle like a bat," Emma answered.

"Did Gramps use a sword?" Henry persisted.

"Yeah," Emma admitted with a smile. "He used a sword."

"See! It was awesome!"

"Sorry about that," Regina called from behind them, finally catching up.

"What was that all about?" Emma asked.

"I had a thought on how to restore Belle's memory without that spell," Regina said. "It seemed prudent to let Red know about it."

"Oh?" Emma smirked. "Should we be expecting wedding bells soon?"

"Tread carefully when joking about weddings, Emma," Regina retorted, a devious smile on her face. "After all, I'm not the one who wanted 'Wind Beneath My Wings' for our first dance."

"That was the spell!" Emma hollered in mock indignation as she looped her fingers through Regina's and walked towards home with her family.

* * *

**A/N: **Comments are always appreciated. Thanks for reading!


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